Hello people! It has been a very long time since I updated everyone! Today, David is at home all day. He’s eating nachos and binge-watching TV, so I thought I’d take a crack at this 31 day writing challenge thing. Maybe I’ll even score some bacon!
I’ve been busy! I know I make a dog’s life look easy, but it’s really pretty ruff! (I never get tired of saying that.)
It’s a ruff life.
I have to protect the whole house. That’s my job. I have found the most efficient was to stay on top of every possible threat is to stay close to my people. That means I can’t ever go out in the back yard. Something might sneak in the front!
I’m guarding you!
Also, I must stay as close as possible to my people! That means I need to stand on their chests and put my paw on their face while they try to watch TV. Have you seen the stuff that is on TV? It’s SCARY!
Less talk. More scratching.
I also have to make sure my people get lots of exercise. I weave in front of them as they walk. It strengthens their core by forcing them to move laterally to keep from falling down. If I do that when they are on their way to the bathroom, it’s a cardio workout, too. I also keep their hands strong by letting them pet me a lot. A whole lot.
Yes, it’s a ruff life. I work pretty hard. People are pretty high maitenance.
I am not a very big dog. I have a big heart and I am very brave. My feelings do get hurt some times, and this time is one of those times. I will tell you about it.
This was just Christmas here where I am. You may have had Christmas, too. My people were not being very good at writing a letter to send to all of their friends for Christmas. Most years they do that, because they like to keep in touch with everyone. This year they were being slow. So, I swooped in. I love to save the day and I am very good at it. So I wrote a Christmas letter for them.
And they didn’t send it. They didn’t send it to anyone at all. So I am mad. I may post it here since they didn’t send it out. They did give me a few chewy bones for Christmas, so I think I will forgive them.
I must not keep you in suspense any longer! Time to tell you more about my dragon adventure.
I knew taming a dragon would be a challenge. I am a brave dog, I am up for any challenge. I made a new ninja dog adventurer’s emergency preparedness backpack and headed back to the dragon’s underground lair.
As I descended into the darkness, I strapped my lantern to my head. When I arrived in the first large room, I decided it was an emergency so I ate all my bacon again. Bacon is good!
When the bacon was gone, I looked up and there was the dragon. He is a big dragon! I am a little dog! I could feel his hot breath on my nose. It smelled interesting. I may have lost myself in the tantalizing smells for a few minutes. Then I remembered… there was a fire-breathing dragon staring me down! This is an emergency! Luckily, I had a few bacon crumbs left in my emergency pack. I held them out to the dragon.
Slowly, he lowered his head and smelled my paw. He did not touch my paw, so I approved (no one touches my paw). He sniffed the bacon and began to smile. I dropped the bacon on the ground and he ate it up.
I said, “Mr. Dragon, we have something in common! I love bacon. Let us be friends and we can eat bacon together!”
Mr. Dragon smiled and I knew we would be friends. I said, “Mr. Dragon, we are friends. We are two of the bravest creatures on earth. We will have wonderful adventures together!”
He said, “Where did that puddle come from? Is it lemonade?”
The other day I was down by the lake. The sun was shining and I was happily frolicking in the grass. Maybe you are not familiar with frolicking. I will be more specific. When the sun is shiny and warm, I roll over on my back and hurl myself back and forth like a big, hyper, and very furry worm. And frantic. But very, very happy.
So I was on my back in the grass by the lake. Then I heard a splat. Instantly I was on my feet and at high alert. I quickly noticed the goose poop right next to me. Then I saw the goose. His beady, lifeless eyes bore into my skull.
“Hey! You pooped in my general direction!” He only stared.
“It is NOT NICE to poop in the general direction of a ferocious and brave pooch like me!”
I did what any self-respecting canine would do. I peed a little and then barked at that goose of doom!
He lazily turned his head then flew away. I DO NOT LIKE THE GOOSE OF DOOM! I knew this was not the end.
You know that I am brave. I have told you this a bunch of times. I am a brave dog!
I live near a lake. The lake has geese. We call them geese of doom. We call them that because they are evil. When I get out, I try to run to the lake so I can bark at them. They do not like this, but it is ok because I do not like them! I hope they will fly away to a different lake. Then our lake will be full of ducks, fish, and turtles, which I do like. Well, I do not like turtles a whole lot, but they are better than geese. Turtles do not honk!
One more thing. I must play a prank on Snowy soon. She wrote on my blog.
I already told you about the hole I found in the creek behind my fence. If you missed that part, you should read it now. It is here.
I am brave. I needed to go back and find the source of the very Interesting Smell that I had smelled with my super-powerful, enhanced-through-ninja-training dog nose.
I went back. This time I had my adventure pack with me. My adventure pack includes a hard hat for my head. The hat has a flashlight built in. My adventure pack also has bacon in it. In case of emergencies.
When I arrived at the hole, it was still there. It still smelled very interesting. I decided this was an emergency so I ate all the bacon. Then I put my hat on and went down.
The big pit was still in the big room down the tunnels. I found the ledge and decided to go to the other side. It was very narrow, but I am brave and really kind of small. I went for it.
The rock on the ledge was loose and slippery. I am brave and I made it to the other side. On the other side I saw another tunnel and I could tell the Interesting Smell was closer. I followed my nose down the tunnel.
After following the tunnel through many twists and turns, it opened to another big room. This was the biggest room I had ever seen! Interesting Smell lived here! A dragon also lived here! Yikes!
The dragon was sleeping and I am very brave. So I smelled him. The dragon is the Interesting Smell! Mystery solved! The dragon stirred. I turned and RAN. I saw smoke come out his nose as I turned. I saw fire lick the sides of the tunnel around me. I DO NOT LIKE!!!!
I quickly made it back to the first room and crossed the ledge. As I got to the hole, I looked back. On the other side of the pit stood the dragon. He almost looked like he didn’t want to eat me. He looked lonely. He looked like he needed a friend. Everyone needs a friend. But I DO NOT LIKE to get eaten, so I left.
I decided I would try to find dragon food and then come back and try to train this dragon. He smelled very interesting!
Did you know I have super powers? In addition to being one of the bravest dogs ever (as long as there is no scary cheese around) and also having ninja dog skills, I am pretty sure I can shoot lasers out of my eyes. I am a good boy, so I don’t use this power except on geese. Even when I am very thirsty. I spin in circles to get my people to bring me water instead of shooting them with my lasers. I am a good boy.
If you think I am joking, look at this picture. It is proof.